Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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