There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
