I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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