i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
