as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
