we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
