I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
