Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Randomize
