Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
it glows. i had to have it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
