Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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