My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
