I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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