he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
