when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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