He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
