Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my being single is dangerous.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
