I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
