Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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