Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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