I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
