Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
