im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I smell stomach acid.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
