tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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