Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He uses pillows to masturbate.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
