So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
