Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
