i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
