May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
why do cheetos always look like penises
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
