Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
