There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
