Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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