My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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