i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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