I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
