We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
