he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
