Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
