Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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