you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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