I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Randomize
