He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
