Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
