If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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