Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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