i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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