I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
