Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
this will be a night to untag.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
