I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
