so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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