We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize