I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
