probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
