You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
