Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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